A Blog for My Daughter

Words from a Mother

So today started out wonderful. And Brian and I finally got to spend some time together even if it was running errands. It was going great. And then I got a phone call. The freezer that had the milk I stashed (about 200oz) was broken and all the milk had thawed. I cried. Right there in the middle of Sears I broke down and cried. I know it’s no ones fault. I know it’s not the end of the world. I know all I lost was about a little over a months worth of pumping and about $20 in bags. I am just so paranoid that something is going to happen to my supply or to me that I want to make sure we are covered. Granted it was just under a weeks worth of feeding, but that could be one more week she wouldn’t have to be on formula if anything happened. 

And the topper was I met a wonderful woman who I learned was having a hard time finding donor milk as she can’t produce enough for her own daughter because of an accident. So just this morning I offered to give her 100oz. And then I had to tell her I can’t now. I felt horrible. 
This whole thing upset me so much that I haven’t been able to cheer myself up. I’m crying now in bed. Mostly because one thing leads to another and it all just adds up. Kahlan refused a bottle again. Which depresses me more, and so I worry about MHC more. And I then I think about never being able to get away from her for a break. And then I think about my lack of friendships and social life currently. And it all just waves over and depresses me. 
And we went to my moms to celebrate my birthday with some family. And I truly appreciate the dinner and cake and balloons and gifts. But frankly my day just sucked. All-in-all my 33rd birthday sucked. 
So now to rebuild the stash. I’m just going to have to start pumping more, but I need to have that safety net again. 
Tomorrow is another day. Let’s hope it’s better.