Tonight when putting Kahlan to bed I had a feeling. A feeling that told me that tonight is one of the last times I will hold Kahlan with her sleeping in the crook of my arm like this, with her little legs curled around me. Almost like when she was a baby in the cradle position.
See in the past month her nighttime routine has changed. She used to nurse to sleep. Then I would put her in her crib, attempt to sneak out and then speak my goodnights in whispers through the crack of the door. But now she nurses and then climbs up to put her head on my shoulder. We cuddle for a couple minutes and then she points to her crib. I lay her down, she curls up, I cover her and tell her I love her. And then I walk out saying “goodnight my love” so that she hears me and then close the door.
Tonight, for whatever reason, she nursed to sleep again. And as she laid there I gathered her up and rocked with her in my arms. I didn’t want to move as I just felt it. One more chance to hold her like this before its gone.
I might be crazy but the feeling was there. My sweet little baby is growing up. Getting bigger. Becoming her own self and she’s starting to show it. We are entering the toddler years for sure now. And as much as I love what she has become, it’s nights like this that I want my baby back. Or at least I just wish she wouldn’t grow up.
