A Blog for My Daughter

Words from a Mother

I just posted about school but I wanted to make a separate post for something that happened a couple days ago. Something you said. It hit me hard.

We were laying in on your bed together like we do almost every night to help you get to sleep and you said “I wish you were happy”.

Cue the tears. Then the words came vomiting out of my mouth I couldn’t stop it. I kept rewording them and saying them again. I needed you to know that I was happy.

See we just had a little tiff because it was time for bed and you weren’t listening, after I had just given you 10 more minutes to play before bed because you asked nicely. And then you peed on the carpet. So I was tired and frustrated and though I didn’t yell, I was vocal in my frustration. And it turned into me being vocal about a lot of frustrations currently. And I shouldn’t have dumped that on you.

But you see, right now you are all I have. I don’t see my friends. I don’t see my mom. I can’t talk to brian about a lot or things. You are my constant and the one I see every day and slowly through all this Covid crap I have become more open with you about my frustrations because I just want to be heard. And I shouldn’t do that.

When you told me you wanted me to be happy I realized you just saw my frustrations and didn’t see that I was happy. That through everything, as pissed as I am with the world and everything right now I am happy. And frankly that’s only because of you. You give me a reason to be happy.

So I am going to try better to keep my words to myself and show you that I am happy. I know there will still be tiffs and you still will not understand. But like I always tell you. No matter how frustrated or mad I may be, I still love you all in my heart.